wonder why...

Every time this volatility consumes my peace of mind I am relegated once again towards my utmost fantasy, which has perhaps, remained deeply entrenched in my very being for a considerable period of time now. Yet again today I am extremely perturbed and want to get rid of this instability at the earliest. Over a period of time and through acute observation I have come to realize that both extreme happiness and acute grief elicit the same response. On both occasions you wish to render stability to your state of mind.

In order to do the above different people develop their own mental mechanisms. Some chant, some meditate, some go on medication and yet others like me resort to imagination. In this quest towards stability and quiet I conjure up this favorite dream of mine, which helps me transport on to a different world far away.
I see myself as this wild horse, hitherto untamed, galloping against the fierce wind on a green field. The grass is wet with the dew, which settled overnight and is as slippery as the situation, which is causing me the anxiety. The air is moist with the slight drizzle all around which blinds me as I gallop. The sky is overcast with thick clouds, which have completely hidden the sun, and any hope of my redemption.
Yet, unabashed, I gallop on with my mane flying in all directions and I am free, liberated from any bondages. The shackles of responsibilities and relationships can no longer rein me in and I am free to run wherever I wish to. The green grass underneath and the gray sky above just prod me on further to feel the wind brushing past my mane and feel the absence of any rein or rider.
However, what puzzles me is the remarkable ease with which this exaltation-filled fantasy renders me my peace of mind. Tradition has made us believe that true peace and stability comes with relative absence of motion. True balance comes about with a desire to control your mind and heart. If stability is supposed to be concomitant with an inertial state of mind how does my fantasy, where loss of control is the core theme, give me my peace?All this makes me wonder whether true liberation comes about by running away from everything like my horse or by sitting down and meditating to ward off all ill-thoughts.